Join the Registry - Be The Match Bone Marrow Registry

Join the Registry - Be The Match Bone Marrow Registry

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Has it really been a year already???

Ian and Bryce nearly one year after Ian's diagnosis.

Ian happy and healthy one year later.

Ian on the day he was released from the hospital after brain surgery. So brave and so strong.

Hours after brain surgery. So difficult to see him like this!

Me holding Ian the day before surgery. He was diagnosed June 2nd 2008. External shunt placed to drain excess brain fluid.

So this week marks the one year anniversary of Ian's diagnosis with cancer and the beginning of a very intense journey. Even today, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around what we have accomplished in just a year or what we have endured in one year. Sometimes it just seems like a HUGE nightmare and that I am going to wake up and find out that that was all it was. I have so many thoughts and emotions about this entire experience, some so sacred that I have only really shared them with my husband and maybe my sister, and others I have shared with close friends. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to talk about this journey without getting emotional or be able to clearly express everything that I am thinking. I continue to believe that I need to share our story because it's healing for me and who knows, maybe it will help and inspire another to endure their difficult challenges.

Though I have cried many times throughout this last year, I can say that I have not felt a desire or temptation to be bitter about the situation. I haven't even felt angry. I HAVE felt exhausted, sad, pain so deep I thought my heart would break because of it, frustration at the lack of control, anguish and some fear. At the same time I HAVE felt hope, love, courage, gratitude, compassion, faith, the Spirit, joy, peace, and patience.

What I would really like to share today are some of the ways my testimony has grown and some of the things I have learned through this challenge.

My testimony of AGENCY has been strengthened! I know that I have a CHOICE to be grateful or bitter, positive or negative, hopeful or discouraged, patient or impatient and so on and so forth, and the opportunity to repent when I have been less than positive. From the minute that Mike and I heard the news we decided right then and there that we could do this and that we wouldn't let it destroy what we had created. So far things are on track and I would say that we are closer because of this challenge. So many families are ripped apart with this type of challenge. The stress is unbelievably high, the fear can overwhelm and the pain can make it hard to function. I choose to have hope, I choose to have faith, I choose to trust Heavenly Father and most importantly I choose to accept His will for me and my family. I know that He loves me and my family and that He will make all things right.

Another thing that I have learned, is that there is always someone, somewhere whose life is that much more challenging, sad, scary, difficult. I don't know why some suffer more than others or why some don't seem to have any real significant challenges. I do know that so long as we aren't bringing upon ourselves these challenges because of willful disobedience to Heavenly Father's commandments, He will bless us in our time of need, He will make our burdens light if we come unto Him. I believe that which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger. I feel more love, compassion and empathy for those who are suffering. I know that I can do hard things. I have an even stronger desire to serve and help others. I know with an even stronger knowledge that Heavenly Father loves His children and that our lives have purpose and meaning. He knows us, knows our needs, knows our pains, and desires to bless our lives if will come unto Him. He will compensate all hardship in His own time of course. I'm so grateful that He has entrusted me with three sweet little boys and that He trusted me with this challenge. I know He didn't cause Ian to have cancer, but I believe He knew Ian's body would "rebel" and He trusted me with this special spirit! I always remember that it isn't the size of the challenge or even the type or length of a challenge that matters, but rather our ATTITUDE. How are we going to respond?

My testimony of Priesthood Blessings has grown. I have seen with my own eyes and felt with my own heart the miracles that come from priesthood blessings. Ian is truly a walking miracle.

I've learned it's alright to let others serve me. This has been one of the hardest things for me because it has required me to humble myself and acknowledge that I CAN'T do it all by myself. I have prided myself on my supposed ability to do it all....

I'm more grateful for the little things and I try harder not to sweat the small stuff. I admit I still get my knickers in a twist over germs and yuckies! I have tried to calm down my neuroticism and OCD, I'm not sure that will ever go away. Good thing I have Mike, I think he believes that germs don't exist. He's much more laid back than me. I'm the lysol, clorox wipe, hand sanitizing crazy lady. Now if only I could get my boys to stop putting their thumb and finger in their mouths. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned to laugh amidst the challenge. My boys I have learned are flexible, they roll with the punches and know just how to make me laugh. More than likely I will be the only one to walk away from all this emotionally scarred. Ian, Bryce and Spencer won't remember a thing. I blame Ian for all the gray hair. I feel I have aged 10 years in the space of one, if that's even possible. I still can't decide whether to start dying my hair or not. LOL!

Mostly I just want to share my testimony. I know that God lives. That Jesus Christ lives. He is our Saviour. I know that They love us and know us and will lighten our burdens. I'm grateful for challenges, I feel closer to Heavenly Father through them. I'm so grateful to family, friends and all of the many doctors and nurses or other professionals who have been along for the ride with us. Truly we have not been alone. How grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation. Life has meaning and purpose and all will be made right. I'm grateful for my eternal family and for sacred Temple ordinances. I love my family and friends. I love my Father in Heaven and my Saviour. All will be well if I continue to strive to stay on the path and repent when I fall short. I have so many weaknesses and yet I know I make it with my Saviour help.

3 Siblings Develop Rare Cancer | KUTV - Utah News - 2News

3 Siblings Develop Rare Cancer | KUTV - Utah News - 2News

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Fun in the Water...

Things are starting to warm up around here .... About a week and half ago we made a trip down to Salt Lake to the Gate Way Mall water feature for kids. Water shoots out of MANY spouts all over the ground. Music is playing and there is seating for parents to watch the kiddos play. We hadn't planned on the taking the kids to the water, however when we saw how much fun the other kids were having and how bad Bryce and Ian wanted to join in we just let them go in fully clothed. Mike and I had a BLAST watching them run from water spout to water spout as they tried to guess which spout water was going to come out of next. Unfortunately, we didn't bring the camera for that. However, we will be going back before the summer is over, it was too much fun not to do again.

So, after that experience the boys have been asking to play in the water out back. We set up a couple pools, a neat kiddy sprinkler and a water table. What fun! The only complaint I have, .... is that our back yard is mostly dirt and patchy lawn! PATHETIC! I have to change out the water frequently and move the sprinkler around so as to not create a mud pit! We even put down grass seed and nothing is growing! SUPER LAME! Nevertheless, this will NOT thwart our summer time fun!

Aunt Tammy

A week and a couple days goes by real fast when you're having fun! We had Mike's older sister Tammy visiting from Phoenix. She left this morning and both Bryce and Ian were upset. Bryce cried all the way back to Layton and to church. Both boys have been asking to go back to the airport in the hopes that they will find their aunt Tammy! We are going to miss her. The good thing is that she will be back for another visit next year! YAY!

We managed to accomplish quite a bit while Tammy was here. We made a trip down to Provo and ate at a chilean restaurant, went to BYU, went to the Quilted Bear, played at Chuck E Cheese's, ate lots of food that tasted great but was not entirely healthy, we played beauty salon in our guest bathroom, Mike and I had lots of date nights, Tammy learned some basic crocheting, facebook in and outs, and got hooked on the Twilight series. Over all I would say it was a very pleasant visit! We sure do miss Tammy!

Saturday Afternoon Road Trip...

My Bryce! Getting so big and growing up so fast! He starts kindergarten in the fall!

Bryce and Ian showing off their new hats. They are so cute, they try to sing the Cougar fight song, or least as much as they know of it! Too cute! Love it!

Mike and his new hat! He's representing!

We are so lucky! We have Mike's sister Tammy here visiting from Phoenix. If you haven't already figured it out, we enjoy visitors!. Tammy got here Friday afternoon and we decided that on Saturday we would go for a drive. We made our way down to Provo and finally found the Chilean restaurant Pantrucas that I had been wanting to try. I also got to talk briefly to Brother and Sister Minound, whom I knew in Chile when I was a missionary. So fun! Well the food was great! I would go back again if I'm ever down that way, but I don't think I will take my boys! They are such picky eaters and they were more interested in trying to pull the table cloths off the table, play with the light switches, pull napkins out of the dispenser and chair hop! It was pretty annoying! Can't take these kids anywhere! LOL! We finally made our way over to BYU. Tammy wanted to pick up some BYU T-shirts for Wilson and as luck would have it for us, there was a HUGE sale on childrens books and we made out like bandits! I love to find good deals on childrens books! We also picked up some BYU hats for the boys! These days a hat is a must have for Ian because his skin is extra sensitive to the sun as a result of the chemo. In addition to the hat, he also gets lathered up with what Mike likes to refer to as "sweater in a bottle" 70 spf sunblock! NOW, my standard rule is that all the kids get hats and sunblock before going out to play! I will not tolerate another cancer diagnosis in my house if I can help it! LOL! Anyhow, things are going pretty well around here. The kids are healthy, we are getting out more and more and we don't have any scans for a couple of months. Life's good! Tomorrow, Ian does have an electrical test on his optic nerves. The ophthalmologist determined that Ian has permanent optic nerve damage as a result of the hydrocephalus. Glasses will not fix the problem. Ian is not blind, however it is possible that he has difficulty seeing when it's dark and then some. We will learn more as time goes on! I pray and hope that the damage is minimal and that it won't impact the quality of life Ian will have!

Also, some more good news, we learned that we will be going to Disney World in August. Ian was approved by the Make a Wish foundation for the trip. We will leave Aug 3 and come home on Aug 9. We get to stay in the Give Kids the World village and access to all the parks. The boys are so excited! How grateful I am for the opportunity! I can't wait for the boys to have this experience! This summer is going to be so much better than last summer! I can feel it!

Loose Change.....

So, Mike has been on TDY in Vegas for a little over a week now. We decided that it would be fun if I could drive down with the boys for the weekend and spend some time together. The drive went well and the boys were great! We stayed with my friends Matt and Kim in their beautiful new home. It was so nice of them to let us crash there. The boys had a great time and it was just nice to be out of our house doing something "normal". Since Ian is 6 months out from transplant this week, his immune system is pretty much back to where it should be minus immunizations! That being said, I am still very cautious about taking him anywhere. I still don't want to knowingly subject him to sickness. At any rate, Matt and Kim's kids were so good about sharing toys and putting up with our loud little monsters.

Most of you who know us fairly well, know that my boys have an aversion to sleeping in. Well it doesn't help that we were an hour ahead of Vegas. So my boys were waking up around 5am Vegas time, 6am Utah time. That is norm for the boys. Anyhow, I was stuck trying to figure out how to keep them entertained in a little area and also keep them quiet. On Saturday morning, our second morning there, Mike had stayed over night and was with me, and so we decided to get them dressed and leave as soon as possible to avoid the struggle to keep things quiet. We went to breakfast at Denny's.

So now the funny story...... as we were waiting for our breakfast, Bryce was playing with some loose change that Mike had given him that morning. Mike was teaching Bryce how much quarters and nickels are worth. So Mike asks Bryce "HOW MANY NICKELS DO YOU HAVE?" and Bryce says pointing to his chest " OOONNEE AND TWWWOOO!" So by now Mike and I are laughing hysterically..... Mike says through his laughing " Bryce NOT NIPPLES......... I SAID NICKELS." and Bryce says laughing " OH!" We have enjoyed the best laugh about this. Bryce is not going to live this one down! Funny Kid!

We are back home and longing for Mike to get home soon! We sure miss him. As the kids get older it gets more and more difficult for them to be separated from their daddy! Bryce cried all last night wanting his daddy. We just keep telling ourselves....8 more years 8 more years! I don't think it will go fast enough for us!